The state of mind that I wish to preserve with respect to
you, is to feel that while you are acting conscientiously &
sincerely wishing & trying to learn the truth, you cannot be wrong,
but there are some reasons that force themselves upon me & prevent
my being always able to give myself this comfort. I dare say you have
often thought of them before, but I will write down what has been in my
head, knowing that my own dearest will indulge me. Your mind & time
are full of the most interesting subjects & thoughts of the most
absorbing kind, viz following up yr own discoveries - but which make it
very difficult for you to avoid casting out as interruptions other sorts
of thoughts which have no relation to what you are pursuing or to make
it possible for to be able to give your whole attention to both sides of
the question.
There is another reason which would have a great effect
on a woman, but I don't know whether it wd so much on a man - I mean E.
[Erasmus, Charles's elder brother] whose understanding you have such a
very high opinion of & whom you have so much affection for, having
gone before you - is it not likely to have made it easier to you &
to have taken off some of that dread & fear which the feeling of
doubting first gives & which I do not think an unreasonable or
superstitious feeling. It seems to me also that the line of your
pursuits may have led you to view chiefly the difficulties on one side,
& that you have not had time to consider & study the chain of
difficulties on the other, but I believe you do not consider your
opinion as formed. May not the habit in scientific pursuits of believing
nothing till it is proved, influence your mind too much in other things
which cannot be proved in the same way, & which if true are likely
to be above our comprehension. I should say also that there is a danger
in giving up revelation which does not exist on the other side, that is
the fear of ingratitude in casting off what has been done for your
benefit as well as for that of all the world & which ought to make
you still more careful, perhaps even fearful lest you should not have
taken all the pains you could to judge truly. I do I not know whether
this is arguing as if one side were true & the other false, which I
meant to avoid, but I think not. I do not quite agree with you in what
you once said - that luckily there were no doubts as to how one ought to
act. I think prayer is an instance to the contrary, in one case it is a
positive duty & perhaps not in the other. But I dare say you meant
in actions which concern others & then I agree with you almost if
not quite. I do not wish for any answer to all this - it is a
satisfaction to me to write it & when I talk to you about it I
cannot say exactly what I wish to say, & I know you will have
patience, with your own dear wife.
Don't think that it is not my affair
& that it does not much signify to me. Every thing that concerns you
concerns me & I should be most unhappy if I thought we did not
belong to each other forever I am rather afraid my own dear Nigger, (
N.B. a word used here an 'affectionate' nickname), will
think I have forgotten my promise not to bother him, but I am sure he
loves me & I cannot tell him how happy he makes me & how dearly I
love him & thank him for all his affection which makes the
happiness of my life more & more every day.
Charles Darwin later made a pencil note on the manuscript of his Autobiography referring to this communication as "her beautiful letter to me, safely preserved, shortly after our marriage".